Actions and words are not always the exact opposites. They are two completely different tools. Actually, words can very often influence the behavior of others; speech can be the action causing reaction. You might be thinking that the actions are to be trusted more than words, but let’s take a look at it. Even lies are words that make you believe or doubt and adapt your behavior accordingly.

Say what you want

Now let’s take a look at what you might want to improve and work on considering your verbal communication with others. Bear in mind that your speech can have various functions initiating corresponding reaction. This is important mainly when telling people what to do – from mothers advising their children to be more careful to generals giving orders – you should remember what your goal is and which exact steps need to be taken. Instead of telling your kids not to fall from a slide, try instructing them to hold tight and go slowly. It is much easier to put effort and energy into helping people achieve the desired goal than feeling frustration watching them doing all the wrong things. Just take buying an ice-cream as an example. You do not say “Don’t give me a scoop of vanilla.” angrily waiting for the shop assistant to figure out what you want either. You politely ask for the one you want and the way you want it. Asking for anything else is a very similar procedure.

Not to mention the very special case when for some reason one does not say anything at all and just makes everyone around nervous. Unless ruining the atmosphere was their primary objective, nothing else will come out of it. Clearly stating the problem and, again, the exact steps leading to its solution would work much better in given situation.

Drop the sorries use your thank yous instead

Sorry is a word of fault. When you say sorry to someone it means you are apologizing to them for hurting them. The word itself is dreadful. If you hear it, it gives your brain a signal that you have been harmed in a way and that you need to let go of it and forgive. And because this process is linked to a certain level of seriousness we therefore find people who say sorry too often rather annoying. Instead of saying “sorry I keep bothering you with my trouble” try “thank you for being here for me”. Thank you, on the other hand, puts the listener into a hero like position and does not leave them in the hurt state but in a feeling of having done a good deed. It is okay to talk about your troubles and by formulating it the right way people will be more willing to listen and help.

Positive thoughts and positive words

Speak kindly, use positive words and spread good vibes. You can start doing it mindfully and just practice the compassion. Good feeling is a habit. If you stop for a second before letting words out of your mouth and reconsider whether the comment can be somehow positive or motivating you will influence your thoughts as well. And because like minded people look for each other you might find yourself surrounded by different kind of people soon.

Try following those three rules for few days in a row and then think which one works for you the best and how the reactions of your surroundings have changed. Remember to be respectful and honest – treat people the way you would like to be treated.  Do not forget that integral part of communication is also being a good listener.